


Say You Love Me

by HowardR



Series: Prompts [1]
Category: Life Is Strange (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Cheating, F/F, I tried out something kinda new for this one, Prompt Fic, Secret Relationship, Tumblr Prompt, hope you like it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-18
Updated: 2020-10-18
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:28:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27075004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HowardR/pseuds/HowardR
Summary: She loves Rachel. And Rachel loves her....Max knows that.Prompt, Angst #3: "Was any of it real?"Ship: AmberfieldSuggester:RainboqChoose a ship and prompt and drop me an askhere.
Relationships: Rachel Amber/Maxine "Max" Caulfield
Series: Prompts [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1976044
Comments: 6
Kudos: 41





	Say You Love Me

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Rainboq](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rainboq/gifts).



When she sees the doe, Max is thirteen.

It’s very dark. She’s outside. Max had always been a wanderer. Maybe she’s wandered today because she knows she won’t be able to wander Arcadia Bay much longer. They’re all moving soon.

She wishes she could stay. She begged. But there was nothing to be done.

She steps outside. The cold nips at her ankles. She isn’t wearing socks - she slipped on some shoes on a whim. She hadn’t expected to be out here long, though.

She glances up.

And there it is.

Just… there.

Just there.

And maybe Max is very dumb. Maybe Max is just a fool. Maybe Max is sentimental, or stupid, or naive, or something else negative.

But the doe’s eyes glitter in the dark.

Max walks towards it.

It doesn’t startle - even though Max doesn’t really make an effort to be quiet, or gentle. She‘s young. She knows you’re supposed to be gentle with wildlife - but it doesn’t really occur to her at that moment. She walks towards it with quiet, but quick steps.

And the doe simply stares at her.

She reaches it after just a moment. It was practically on her doorstep - standing at the edge of the woods, very close to her home. It doesn’t take but a moment to reach the creature.

It looks through her.

Max reaches up.

Her hand falters.

The doe lets a breath out, through its nose. It’s wet against the back of Max’s hand.

She tries to touch it.

It leans away from her.

It takes a faltering step back. Suddenly, it looks - almost afraid. There’s a part of Max that is afraid, too - afraid of whatever made this beautiful creature startle, even if she knows it was her.

And yet - the doe isn’t looking at her anymore.

It’s looking past her.

Max glances back.

The only thing that’s there is her family’s car - parked just behind them, bags already packed into it. They’re going to sleep here one last time - and set off tomorrow morning. They’re all ready to go.

When Max glances back, the doe is gone.

* * *

When Max meets Rachel Amber, she is eighteen.

Chloe is the one that introduces her -  _ bestie, meet bestie, _ she said. And Rachel gives her a wide, easy smile.

It’s a nice smile. One of the ones that makes Max’s heart flutter.

She stutters when she introduces herself. Rachel just laughs as she responds.

Chloe teases her mercilessly for it. She says that it’s ridiculous - she doesn’t have a  _ crush _ on Rachel, she  _ just met _ Rachel.

* * *

She’s nineteen when her and Rachel hang out, alone, for the first time.

Rachel says that, even though they’re such good friends - they’ve never had any time alone together.

Max says that Rachel is oxymoronic.

Rachel asks if that makes her an oxymoron. Max replies that it does.

They end up spending the whole day together. By the end of it, Max’s cheeks hurt from smiling, and Rachel laughs at nearly anything - seemingly drunk on her own happiness.

* * *

Max is nineteen and a half when Rachel kisses her.

They’ve spent a whole day together again. Most of the time, they hang out as a three man band - Max, Chloe, and Rachel. The perfect dream team.

  
That just makes the time she spends alone with her - just her and Rachel - all the more special.

They’ve just played a round of Mario Kart. Rachel wins, of course - Rachel always wins. She’s competitive as anything else. And Max throws the controller down between her legs, faking anger - though, really, she couldn’t care less, because the smile on Rachel’s face as she flaunts her win is something to behold.

Rachel sits back down easy enough - and Max keeps on fake sulking.

Rachel tells her to turn that frown upside down.

“Make me,” Max says.

And Rachel does.

* * *

Rachel makes her feel like a kid again. Sneaking around, having fun, committing minor crimes - it’s just like the time she spent with Chloe, when they were kids.

And Rachel asks her to keep their  _ thing _ a secret.

That’s what Rachel always calls it. A  _ thing. _ Not a relationship - she doesn’t tie herself down with labels like that.

Max pretends not to care.

She’s not sure, at first, why Rachel wants her to keep it a secret - even from Chloe.

But she’s sure that Rachel loves her, and that she loves Rachel.

And that’s enough for her.

* * *

Max is twenty when Chloe says she has a secret to tell her.

And that’s when it all starts to go downhill.

The secret is that Chloe and Rachel have been having a  _ thing, _ too.

And Chloe grins - like it’s all one big joke. A little light plays behind her eyes, as she tells Max not to tell Rachel that Chloe shared this - that Rachel wanted to keep it a secret, even from her.

She tells Chloe that she’d never tell. Snitches get stitches, after all.

Chloe grins, and thanks her.

...Max doesn’t tell her about her and Rachel’s thing.

_ (It was always just a ‘thing’.) _

* * *

Max isn’t sure how to feel.

Her time with Rachel suddenly feels like playing with fire. It’s just as fun as ever - but there’s a guilt bubbling in her stomach. It’s all the worse when Rachel leans over, and gives her one of those quick, secretive kisses - because it still makes her heart flutter.

She’d never thought that fluttering feeling would also make her want to tear up.

The knowledge weighs on her like chains.

She starts to snoop.

She looks through Rachel’s things. Her phone. Her contacts. She doesn’t want to - it hurts to do. It hurts, to not be able to trust the woman she loves.

But she was right to not trust her.

There are messages from Victoria Chase, about the time they spent in a closet that ‘had to be kept a secret’. There are loving, lustful texts from Rachel and Chloe’s drug dealer, Frank Bowers. There’s dozens of contacts she’s flirted with. And there’s one more - one who she can’t even find a name for. Someone older - someone who’s ‘kinda scary, sometimes’. One who Rachel talks about in  _ that way _ \- the way that makes it so glaringly obvious to Max, that there’s something more there between the lines.

Her world begins to come undone.

But she knows one thing.

She loves Rachel. And Rachel loves her.

...That’s all that matters.

* * *

But, of course - it isn’t all that matters. Because, no matter how much Max loves Rachel - the guilt still stalks her. Like a racoon expecting food.

The guilt becomes a friend. Every time she looks into Rachel’s eyes - she wonders who exactly is looking back.

But, whoever it is - it’s Rachel.

And she loves Rachel. Rachel loves her.

She holds onto that knowledge - even as everything else starts to come into question.

* * *

Mark Jefferson.

That’s who it is. Mark Jefferson. Max’s teacher - Max’s  _ idol. _

And Rachel slept with him.

_ (...Sleeps with him?) _

Max isn’t sure. She’s not really sure of much of anything, these days.

But she’s sure of one thing.

She loves Rachel. And Rachel loves her.

* * *

But Rachel’s never actually  _ said _ that.

* * *

“Love you, Rachel.”

“I know you do, hun. Let’s play another round, huh? Bet you five bucks I kick your ass!”

“Heh. Yeah - why would I waste five bucks like that.”

“...Max? Is something wrong?”

“No, Rachel. Nothing’s wrong.”

* * *

She loves Rachel. And Rachel loves her.

She repeats it to herself, again and again. She looks into the mirror in the morning - and says it. Thinks it.  _ Knows _ it.

She loves Rachel.

Rachel loves her.

* * *

“Rachel?”

“Yeah, Max?”

“I love you.”

“That’s really sweet of you, Max. Hey - you think you can score me one of those plushies? Bet the vendor will give it to you - cutie that you are.”

“...”

“Max? You okay?”

“I’m fine, Rachel.”

* * *

She loves Rachel. And Rachel loves her.

_ (...Right?) _

* * *

“Hey - Rachel?”

“Hm? Oh, sorry - what’s that, Max?”

“You know I love you, right?”

“Course I do, hun!”

“...And you love me too, right?”

“--Why - what’s up?”

“Just thinking.”

“Boooring. Come on - play a round of Mario Kart against me! You might even win this time!”

* * *

She thought a lot, these days.

* * *

“Hey - Rachel?”

“Yeah Max?”

“...I wanna go public.”

“‘Go public’? Whaddya mean?”

“I mean - this thing we’ve got. I want… let’s go on a date. Let’s come out as being together.”

“Uhm. Maybe it would be better if we, waited a while? I mean, you know how people are around Blackwell - there’s a lotta homophobia and stuff. I don’t want you getting pushed around about this.”

“I don’t care. Let’s do it anyway.”

“Come on, hun. You know it’s a bad idea as much as I do, right?”

“...Right.”

“There we go. Come on - let’s go to bed, alright? I can… make it up to you.”

“Not tonight, Rache.”

“...What brought this on?”

“Rach? You’d never… you wouldn’t lie to me, right?”

“Well - it depends on the situation, I guess. If I thought telling the truth might put you in danger, or hurt you… maybe. But never just  _ because.” _

“Okay.”

* * *

And how desperately Max wanted to think, that that was it. That telling her the truth might  _ put her in danger. _

But she already knew the truth. And she wasn’t in any danger.

But  _ hurt her? _

Yeah - learning that Rachel hooked up with a dozen other people would certainty  _ hurt her. _

…

But she loved Rachel. And Rachel loved her. That’s the basis of a good relationship.

_ (She pushed down the voice that said that trust and communication were also bases of a good relationship.) _

* * *

“Rachel?”

“Yeah Max?”

“Say you love me.”

“...Is something wrong, Max?”

“Nothing’s wrong, Rach. Say you love me.”

“Then what brought this on, all the sudden?”

“Does it matter?”

“If it’s hurting you, then-”

“Would you even care if it was?”

Max’s voice cracked.

Rachel, finally, looked at her. Her eyes were wide when she did.   


“...Max?” She said - and her voice was so full of concern that it tugged at Max’s heart. “Are you - did something happen?”

“Nothing happened.”

And it was true. Nothing had happened.

“Just… say you love me. ...Please.” Max said - and she felt her eyes prickle as she looked up at Rachel.

“I…”

“...But you don’t.” Max muttered.

“I - I care about you, Max, I really do! And I really en-”

“Do you love Chloe?”

Rachel froze.

“You’re fucking her too, right?” Max said - and tears were falling from her eyes, now, tears that she’d kept in for months upon months. “Do you love her?”

“Max-”

“Or Frank?” Rachel didn’t even look surprised anymore. She hung her head - like she was guilty. Maybe she was. It didn’t really matter.

“Or  _ Mark?” _

That got her a double-take. Rachel must’ve thought she was being secretive with him.

She hadn’t been. Not really.

“Max… I-”

“Rachel - was… was any of this real?” Max said - and her voice came out very, very quiet in the end.

Rachel didn’t say anything.

Max stood up, and walked out the door.

Rachel didn’t try to stop her.

**Author's Note:**

> This is for the wonderful Rainboq - a great writer and better person. You can find their Ao3 [here](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rainboq/pseuds/Rainboq) and their tumblr [here.](https://rainboq.tumblr.com/)
> 
> This was an odd one for me. Maybe because it's my first prompt fic. I wrote it in a weird style - and I never write present tense stuff in general. So, if it sucked - which is likely - I would hereby like to apologise to you, Rainboq. Feel free to suggest a redo, and your money back. Also, I tried to avoid actually *using* the prompt as a line in the fic - it feels super cheesy to me - but I couldn't really find a way to avoid it, this time.
> 
> I think that's all.
> 
> Thanks for Prompting,
> 
> -Howard R.


End file.
